


About Time

by merlinfrostE



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Golden Flowers, M/M, Sadness, Shadow struggling with emotions, Sonadow - Freeform, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16787584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlinfrostE/pseuds/merlinfrostE
Summary: They shouldn’t work, shouldn’t have fallen so deeply into this garden of golden flowers. They entered the world in vastly different ways. One was born with the wind at his back and Chaos at his fingertips. The other was created from Chaos and good intentions that went drastically wrong.Theirs was a relationship best represented like a fragile flower, pushing its way slowly through the cold snow of winter as it reached up towards the warm sky of spring. It was slow, it was quiet and once it finally blossomed it was beautiful.





	About Time

They shouldn’t work, shouldn’t have fallen so deeply into this garden of golden flowers. They entered the world in vastly different ways. One was born with the wind at his back and Chaos at his fingertips. The other was created from Chaos and good intentions that went drastically wrong. Their first meeting wasn’t like in the movies. There was no spark, no love at first sight. There was a challenge, a competitiveness and a fire to fight for what they believed in. They clashed like violent storms, both fighting for control, desperate to overpower the other. And then they settled, a tentative peace flowing between them as they worked towards a common goal.

From there they became reluctant allies, rivals in the sense that they were equals to each other, someone who could challenge and keep up with the other. Through their cautious meetings, hesitant conversations and gentle still moments spent together they began to bloom. Theirs was a relationship best represented like a fragile flower, pushing its way slowly through the cold snow of winter as it reached up towards the warm sky of spring. It was slow, it was quiet and once it finally blossomed it was beautiful. 

Ebony would watch with a soft fond smile as blue would offer up a golden buttercup, emerald eyes sparkling in joy. Gentle fingers would pluck the delicate flower from outstretched hands, lifting it to their owner's nose to take in the alluring scent. The scent would always remind him of their first date where his rival had led him to a field of golden flowers to watch the sunset.

Shadow knew that Sonic was by no means a romantic being. He didn’t do candlelit dinners or heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Flowers though, they held a special place in the blue hero’s heart and in Shadow’s as well. The flowers had been one of Maria’s favourite things about the planet she couldn’t touch so Shadow treasured every single one he saw or was given. 

Today is no different with Sonic appearing before his dark furred lover carrying a single golden flower. No words need to be exchanged between them as it is handed over, Shadow closing his eyes in bliss as he breaths in the sweet smell it carries. His smile grows when he feels Sonic move in, nuzzling into the side of his face with a soft chuckle.

“I love it when you smile.” The younger whispers as their hands clasp together. Shadow smiles all the more, turning to gaze into those bright green eyes that he’s come to adore so much.

“Then I’ll smile for the rest of our time together.” He promises, pulling a delighted laugh from blue.

“I’d like that.”

They run hand in hand through the countryside, feet moving smoothly over uneven ground as if they’ve been doing this since their first day in existence. As they run, the wind that had been howling the night of the hero’s birth sings her own happiness, pulling them along in a playful dance they are both more than welcome to engage in. When they finally come to a stop it is in the field of golden flowers where they shared their first kiss.

“Pretty sure I won that one.” Sonic teases, his eyes shining and full of life.

“I am the Ultimate Lifeform, I cannot be beaten.” Shadow shoots right back good-naturedly. They laugh together, souls at peace and in sync with one another despite their violent introduction. The animosity, the hate from the past, it fades and grows weaker with every smile, every kiss and every whispered declaration of love. Their friends call them mad, they just smile in agreement because they know they are an impossibility yet they’ve defied all odds. They still butt heads, they always will because they are each others equal in almost every way. They are the only one to pose a challenge to each other, the only one to be able to keep up. It's because of this that most of their dates start or end with a race, Sonic rejoicing in the fact he finally has someone who can match him in his speed, that can truly follow him anywhere he goes. And Shadow will always indulge him, will follow him through jungles, up snow-capped mountains and across vast seas just to see him smile and laugh. 

“Our one-year anniversary is coming up soon.” Sonic points out with a smile, the two of them lying on their backs and gazing up at the clouds that float on by. Shadow hummed, enjoying the feeling of the warm sun on his fur and the soft tickling of the grass against his back.

“It hardly feels like a year to me.” Shadow murmured softly. “It feels much longer.”

And it does. Neither can imagine a time when they weren’t together as they are now. To think of such times seems awfully lonely and sad. Shadow doesn’t even want to think of when he was without the bright burning sun that lies beside him. The feeling of something being placed into his left-hand causes Ruby eyes to pull away from the endless sky above them, glancing down to view what their lover has placed so carefully in their grasp. A silver ring sits glinting in the sunlight, a ruby and emerald curling around each other at its centre. Shadow blinks, shock and hope filling his very soul as he looks up into Sonic’s smiling face.

“Then marry me?” His voice is casual, filled with laughter and joy. Shadow can only smile in return, leaning into to place a chasted kiss against soft fawn lips. The ring slips perfectly onto his finger while the golden flowers sway gently in the breeze.

When Shadow awakes the next morning lying beside the young hero, he sighs in contentment while admiring the ring sitting perfectly on his left hand. Never did he imagine he would fall into a relationship with his rival, never did he dream that one day he would be engaged to be married, never did he dare hope that he would get his happily ever after. The shifting of the bed sheets alerts him to the waking of his lover. Watching those beautiful green eyes open slowly, filled with sleep and haze is something Shadow knows he will never grow tired of.

“Morning.” He greets, amusement flooding his system as Sonic gives a sleepy hum in acknowledgement, rolling onto his back and slowly sitting up. The amusement fades as ebony watches blue give a small wince of pain, hand reaching back to press against the small of his back. “Are you okay.”

Sonic frowned, shifting on the bed slightly while massaging at his back. The frown quickly melts away as a beaming smile takes its place. “Never better, just slept funny is all.”  
The smile is so genuine that Shadow cannot help but believe him, slipping from their shared bed to go make a healthy breakfast to start their day. As he walks away Sonic winces once more, his other hand coming to massage at his chest as well as his back.

They spend the day visiting their friends, announcing their engagement while Shadow is forced to show off his ring to them all. In the end, he doesn’t mind too much. Every time he looks at the ring he is filled with an indescribable feeling of joy and happiness so he doesn’t mind showing it off for a little bit if it means he gets to admire it some more. Rouge gushes about how beautiful it is, how perfectly cut the ruby and emerald are, how flawless the silver is in its shine. He stands proudly as she lists these things, his face carefully blank while his eyes gleam with joy.

“I honestly thought you’d ask Blue, not the other way around,” Rouge comments with a sly smile.

“I had been thinking about it,” Shadow admits gently, turning the ring slowly on his finger. “But its like he always says, he’s the fastest thing alive and obviously wanted to be the fastest at proposing.”

The statement gains laughter all round, Sonic sending him a mischievous wink from the back of the group where he’d been talking with Blaze. Said purple cat has a fond smile on her face as she speaks up, “So when is the wedding?”

“Haven’t picked a date yet,” Sonic says, bouncing up to Shadow’s side with that endless energy of his. “Though I was thinking of maybe a Spring or Summer Wedding. What do you think Shads?”

“It sounds good.” Ebony agrees. In the end, he could hardly care less when and where they are married. All that matters to him is that Sonic is there with him, happy and content. They don’t even need to get married in his eyes but if it something that Sonic wants then he will do it for him. Anything the young hero wants Shadow will go above and beyond to give it to him.

“You have to let us help plan the wedding!” Rouge all but pleaded with them, Amy and Blaze nodding eagerly by her side. Sonic laughs, allowing himself to be pulled away by the girls who are already discussing different floral arrangments that can be used as decorations. 

“You’ve doomed yourself.” Knuckles chuckles, watching the girls growing more excited by the minute and Shadow has to agree. But Sonic just looks so happy, so engaged with the conversation that he can’t bring himself to care. When Amy mentions getting him a creamy white suit those bright green eyes seem to grow even brighter, the blue hedgehog speaking up about a black tie with a red tie clip that has all the girls squealing in agreement. 

“What about lilies?” Cream asks in the sense of a flower bouquet. Here, Shadow steps forward, his eyes soft and loving as he gazes at Sonic who has a similar smile on his face.

“Buttercups.” They speak together, souls intertwined and hearts beating as one. 

Somewhere hidden in a draw in their house sits an array of pressed buttercup flowers. Each one lovingly picked and carefully preserved. Every flower Sonic has ever given to Shadow the ebony hedgehog has pressed so that it will last forever. He’s collected so many over the year of their growing relationship that he’s lost count. When they get home he goes to the draw, looking at all the flowers that still glow a bright golden colour. He sifts through them all until he finds the one he’s looking for, the first flower Sonic ever gave to him. It’s a little duller in colour, one petal is ripped and the leaves are rumpled ever so slightly but in Shadow’s eyes it’s the most beautiful flower of them all. Gloved fingers trace over the delicate surface, lips pulling up into a gentle smile as memories associated with the specific flower.

~~~~~~ 

Tails jumps as the wind slams into him announcing the arrival of his brother. Sonic is all smiles and laughter, helping the fox kit back to his feet with an apologetic look on his face that Tails is quick to brush aside. It's been three weeks since the blue hedgehog announced his engagement to his dark partner and Tails couldn’t be happier for him. He’s never seen his brother so happy before and it warms his heart to know he’s finally found someone who will love him just as much as he loves them. 

“What do I owe the pleasure?” He questions playfully, twin appendages swaying behind him. 

“I need your help with something,” Sonic says in an almost breathless sort of manner that speaks of his excitement.

“I gathered as much.” Tails chuckles earning him a playful scowl from the elder male who reaches out to ruffle his bangs. The fox kit protests in vain, both of them dissolving into a fit of giggles and laughter, feeling like they are small children again, living their lives out in the wilderness with only each other to rely on. 

“Mine and Shadow’s one year anniversary is next week and I wanted to make something special for him.” Sonic finally speaks up once the laughter has died down. “I was thinking of a locket that when opened plays images, not just a single one.”

Tails hummed in thought, mind already filling with possibilities for such an item. “Give me three days and it’ll be done. Do you have the images you want with you?”

Quick as a flash Sonic produces a small USB drive, handing it over with a beaming smile. “Thanks, Little bro, you’re the best.”

“I know.” Tails can’t help but wink sending them both off again. As they laugh Tails notices small bruises along Sonic’s right arm, standing out from under the soft peach fur. He makes to question them but then Sonic is showing him some sketches he’s draw for the locket and the young fox kit is lost in the project, the bruises forgotten.

~~~~~~~ 

Sonic stands before Shadow, practically bouncing on his toes in excitement. Clasped tightly in his hands is a small box wrapped in soft silver paper. Shadow himself holds a box of his own that is wrapped in a bright sunny yellow colour that seems to represent Sonic’s current state of mind. With smiles filled with love, they exchange their gifts, quickly pulling the paper away and opening their boxes to see what lies inside. In Sonic’s sits an identical engagement ring that Shadow now wears constantly only this one has a little golden flower sitting between the ruby and emerald stones. Sonic can already feel the tears of joy starting to form as he carefully and lovingly places it on his finger, marvelling at how perfectly it fits.

Shadow himself stares in wonder at his own gift. Inside the boxes sits a golden heart-shaped locket with intricate floral patterns carved onto its front. On the back is the engraving Forever in my heart. Shadow gives a small huff of amusement before gently pressing on the side of the locket, opening it with a click. What he finds inside brings tears to his eyes. Pictures circulate slowly before his eyes. Pictures of himself and Sonic throughout their relationship mixed in with images of himself and Rouge on missions, their various friends and finally pictures of himself and Maria.

Breathless they both stood, overcome with emotions as they were yet in that moment words were not needed to express the love and understanding between them. With a tearful gaze and soft sweet smile, all that needed to be said was laid bare for all to see, the two folding together in a tender embrace.

“Happy one year anniversary.” 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Knuckles stood before Sonic, his eyes wide in shock. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, never thought he’d hear it. He thought for sure it would be Tails, not him. But here they stood, the blue hedgehog asking the ruby echidna to be his best man at his wedding. Apparently, Tails was already marked down to be the ring bearer and Cream the Flower Girl. Silver had been chosen for Shadow’s best man while Rouge and Amy were to be maids of honour even though those roles were normally reserved for a brides side of the wedding. 

“So what do you say, Knucklehead?” Sonic questioned with a teasing smile.

Knuckles scowled at the nickname but a smile was threatening to take over his face. With a long-suffering sigh, he pulled his friend into a headlock, rubbing his fist against the spiny head much to Sonic’s dismay. “Of course I’ll be your best man you pincushion. I’m honoured you’d ask me.”

“Well, who else am I gonna ask? Vector? Now that would be a disaster.” Sonic laughed, pushing the echidna off him. 

“Now that is a true horror to think about.” Knuckles snickered right alongside the hedgehog only to pause when Sonic winced, hand moving up to his head to gently press against the side of it. “You alright there Blue?”

Those Emerald cut eyes blinked, tight around the edges even as they tried to soften in an effort to offer comfort. “Yeah, just a headache that’s been sticking around for the past few days. It’s probably from lack of sleep.”

Knuckles eyed his friends for a moment, briefly noting the little bruises lining his arms before nodding gently, deciding to let the matter drop. “Have you guys picked a venue yet?”  
Sonic brightened instantly, quickly listing all the possible places he and Shadow were thinking about, each one more beautiful than the next. But in the end, none of the locations seemed to match what the hedgehogs were hoping for, each falling just short of being perfect. Knuckles listened intently, his mind shifting and moving with sentimental thoughts. “What about here on Angel Island?”

Sonic paused, surprise written all over his face. And then softly, like a butterfly gently landing on the delicate petals of a flower, his features warmed as a smile took root. “I couldn’t think of a better place to have it.”

~~~~~~~ 

Rouge had insisted they throw an engagement party. Shadow personally thought she just wanted any old excuse to throw a party. In the end, he could complain. The woman was one of his closest friends and he knew she was just happy for him and wanted to express that happiness. He had to commend her in not going too far with the party. There were a few decorations out in the garden, a table filled with food and easy going dance music playing in the background. It was simple and small, just the way Shadow liked it and he knew that’s why Rouge had done it. 

The ebony male floated through the throngs of their friends, smiling politely and engaging in idle chit-chat. The back of his throat pulsed with warmth from the wine he’d been casually sipping at throughout the party, the rich flavour dancing across his tongue in time with the music. Within the crowd of partygoers, Shadow spotted his fiance sipping at his own wine glass. Shadow quickly made his way over, looking at the plate of untouched food that sat beside Sonic. “Not hungry?”

Blue startled ever so slightly, blinking up owlishly at the darker male with a sheepish smile. “Not really.”

“You’ve been off your food for a few weeks now.” Shadow pointed out with a frown, worry seeping into his bones like an unwanted winter chill.

“It’s probably just a bug that’s being a little more stubborn than normal. I’ll be fine in a few days, I’m sure.” Sonic waved the concern away, standing to go talk with Rouge, Blaze and Silver. Shadow watched him go, an uneasy feeling settling within his heart, curling its cold dark fingers in tight.

~~~~~~~ 

Sonic knew something was off. It was a persistent rash, an intrusive thought that refused to be silenced. It clawed at his back late into the night, sending aching pain shooting up his spine. It was the bruises that sprang up at the lightest hit, the near constant headaches and loss of appetite. It clung to his shoulders, hanging off him like a heavyweight but he stayed silent, not wanting to worry everyone over something he thought was nothing. When the coughing started he assumed it was just a common cold working its way through his body……and then the blood had appeared.

Sonic stared in horror at his own hand, the once pristine white glove now stained crimson. It stared back at him, laughing almost, sending sparks of ice-cold fear shooting from his heart to his fingers and toes. Slowly, his hands began to tremble, like a weak faded leaf clinging to the tree as the cold winter winds close in.

“S-Shadow!” His voice is horse from coughing and from fear. His eyes refuse to move from his glove, refuse to believe what it is they are seeing. Hurried footsteps sound from the living room, rushing to the kitchen where he’d fallen to his knees when the coughing had taken hold. Distantly Sonic registers his partner's voice calling out worriedly to him, the feel of hands grabbing hold of his shoulders as a warm presence falls down beside him.

“Sonic, what is it?” Shadow asked in a panic at having found his fiance kneeling on the kitchen floor. In response to his question, the blue hedgehog merely lifts his hand, displaying the blood splattered across the white surface like a morbid piece of artwork. Shadow stares, confused and frightened that turns to dread when he turns to face Sonic, spying the blood on the other's lips.

“Something’s wrong.” Sonic all but whimpered, the fear taking over.

Shadow could only pull the other close against his chest, heart stuttering in fright within his chest as that horrible sense of dread grows, reaching out its ugly hands to his lover and sinking its claws in, never wanting to let go.

~~~~~~~~ 

They go through test after test, the doctors working quickly to provide answers to the mysterious illness. Their friends stay positive, talking about a nasty virus that must have been one of Eggman’s latest schemes. The doctors talk about how these things can pop up and in the end mean nothing, that they shouldn’t work themselves up too much. They hear all this but can’t bring themselves to believe any of it. Sonic sits in a daze throughout it all, not really taking any of it in while Shadow chews away at his lip till his bleeds, eyes heavy from lack of sleep as worry eats away at him. When the tests come back both feel like they are drowning with no way out.

Stage IV Leukemia.

It's an ugly word that burrows its way into Shadow’s skull, bringing with it images he is quick to chase away. Instead, he focuses on the here and now, on Sonic who sits beside him stock still with a blank look upon his face. Ebony squeezes Blue’s hand, hoping that the gesture will offer some amount of comfort in such a trying time. 

“What do we do now?” Shadow asked, looking ahead at a future where they would fight this just like they fought anything that got in their way. The doctor looks conflicted like he wants to pity them yet also knows not to. It’s a look that has something in Shadow curling up defensively, quills stiffening in warning. The doctor eyes him a moment longer before averting his eyes, moving instead to Sonic who still has yet to utter a single sound.

“This type of news is hard to process for most. You should both take some time to discuss your next actions. But I need to let you know that with how aggressive the cancer is and how far along it is there is only a 10% survival rate.” Each word is another stab to the gut.

Shadow glares but nods all the same, pulling his partner to their feet and leading them from the room. The whole time Sonic fiddles with the engagement ring on his finger, thumb brushing over the golden flower at its centre. 

“We’ll make it through this.” Shadow declares once their home, voice strong and firm. He strides through the front door into the living room, confident in his steps and words. “It’s just another bump in the road but we’ll get through it like always.”

“Shads.”

“We’ve faced much worse anyway.” Shadow presses on, not turning to face his partner because he knows that when he does his resolve will break and the tears will flow. “We’ve fought against Gods! Cancer is nothing compared to that.”

“Shadow.”

“You’ve even taken down Dark Gia and Perfect Chaos without my help. This will be a breeze.”

“Shadow!” Ebony finally turns at the desperate sound of his name, his eyes widening when he sees Sonic clutching at the front door, face pale with fear. The younger male’s whole frame is shaking, eyes glassy and distant as Shadow rushes to meet him before he can fall to the cold unforgiving floor. “Shadow, please stop…”

Shadow stares, confused and slightly hurt until he sees the true terror in his lover’s eyes, the growing fear of the unknown. “Okay, okay I’ll stop. You just rest on the couch and I’ll make us some dinner and after that, we can go to bed. We don’t have to talk about this tonight.”

The shaking subsides as Sonic relaxes. “Thank you.”

Shadow guides the other to the living room, settling him down before the TV before going to make them a nice warm meal. The motions are so familiar, so normal that Shadow finds he can’t hold back anymore. Conscious of Sonic in the other room he falls silently to his knees, hand pressed over his mouth as soft soul-shaking sobs tear at his heart. It’s Maria all over again. He’s facing the possibility of losing the one thing he can’t live without all over again and this time he truly thinks he won’t survive if Sonic doesn’t pull through. His heart has been broken so many times and he knows it can only grow back so many before it gives up.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They discuss their options with everyone. They are as much Sonic’s family as Shadow is soon to be so they both agree they have a say in things. They all stick to their own ways. Tails goes into research mode while Knuckles silently broods while consulting the Master Emerald. Amy weeps at random intervals while Rouge just gives them sad smiles. The pit in their eyes drives Sonic mad at times. He’s a hero for Chaos sake! It’s like Shadow said, he’s fought monsters and deities, been dragged into story books and battles kings and genies and saved entire alien races. He’s faced impossible odds and has always come out on top. But all those foes had been physical enemies he could fight with his own two hands. This…this was his own body slowly betraying him, slowly killing him.

Cancer wasn’t like a massive killer robot or vengeful God, it was a silent and slow killer. It seeped into different parts of his body, stealing away his strength and leaving behind pain and weariness. This wasn’t something Sonic could battle into submission. This was something that was a part of him that had always been there just waiting for the right moment to make itself known and steal away his time. Thinking about time was a funny thing now for the blue blur. It had never seemed like such a tangible thing until now. He sat beside Blaze, out on the back patio while their friends moved about inside the house, talking loudly about how they would all fight this, that it wasn’t something to worry about.

“There’s nothing in the future for Cancer, is there?” He questioned her just because he had too. Those golden eyes flicked to lock with his emerald green ones, searching him.

“No, not that I recall at least.” She says because she knows that lying won’t help in this situation. “I’m sorry.”

Sonic sighed, fingers nervously drumming on his legs. “It's alright. I kinda always knew my time was limited what with my line of work. It just never felt real until a number was put to it.” That number was one year. Suddenly, a year didn’t seem so long anymore. Now it felt far too short to be fair.

“We all have a few limited trips around the sun,” Blaze spoke up catching his attention. “None of us knows just how many trips we’ll get but lots of us worry about how many we’ll get. You shouldn’t worry about how many you get, you should only focus on what it is you do in between each one.”

Sonic stared, letting the words settle into his mind and heart. They rang deep within his soul, pulling at something deep inside. Sonic had always lived by the saying live each day like it's your last. The arrival of Cancer shouldn’t change that. So his time was limited, didn’t mean he couldn’t keep enjoying that time he still had. The young hero stared at his friend with a new found appreciation, one that was acknowledged with a gentle smile, her hands lighting up with a softly flickering flame.

“Fire is life, but also death. It provides needed warmth yet also reduces all living things to ash. Having control over such a volatile element makes you appreciate life in a way none ever could dream too.”

In a way, Sonic could understand that. Fire was Blaze’s element while his was the wind. The wind was constantly changing, constantly moving. It wasn’t something that stopped to consider the finer things of life such as time and death. It just moved on. He was like the wind, always moving and always changing, not stopping long enough to think of such things like Blaze had too. But now he had to think about it for the wind was moving on without him now, not stopping to mourn the loss of its equal that had followed it like a child would their parents.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Chemotherapy wasn’t fun. The needle in his arm was a constant reminder of just what was slowly being pushed into his body, why it was being pushed into his body. The nausea and vomiting afterwards accompanied by the steadily growing weakness in his muscles was also an unsavoury part of the whole process. Sonic, Shadow and their friends had decided it was the best route of treatment. In reality, it was their only route they had this late into cancer’s development. The doctor had stated that if they had caught it sooner then they could have tried other drugs and that Sonic’s chance of survival would have risen to at least 80%. But fate was cruel and they hadn’t seen the signs in time.

Sonic sat in the cold hospital chair as the drug was pumped into his body and in his heart, he knew it would all be in vain. They had been doing the Chemo treatment for two whole months now and he wasn’t getting better, he was getting worse. Beside him sat Shadow, the ebony male clutching at his hand like a frightened child, afraid that if he lets go then Blue will vanish into thin air. It kills Sonic to see his partner like he is, constantly stressed and worried, unsure of himself and where to go from here, like a flower without sunlight that is slowly curling in on itself. 

“Your gonna be okay.” Sonic’s lost count of the number of times Shadow has said that.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

He couldn’t run anymore. Shadow felt like screaming when the day finally arrived where Sonic could no longer enjoy his favourite past time of breaking the sound barrier. The younger male was pale and breathless, limbs trembling from just the slow sprint they had done down the street to their house. They hadn’t even made it to 40mph and here Sonic the hedgehog was gasping for breath like a fish out of water! Shadow dropped to his lover’s side, crimson gaze filled with such despair and pain for what the other was going through.

“I’m sorry.” Sonic finally manages to gasp out and it just makes Shadow want to scream all the more.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He says as firmly as he can while trying to hold back to tears threatening to break through. “Don’t ever think you need to apologize for this.”

A gentle, tentative smile pulled at fawn lips, those tired green eyes flicking up to gaze at him so lovingly that for a moment Shadow feels like he’s the one that can’t breathe. “It’s moment’s like these that remind me why I love you so much.”

The words melt something inside the ebony male’s chest, soothing the constant fears and worries that have made their home there for the past three months. Eyes falling closed Shadow leans down to capture fawn lips with his tan ones, committing the feeling to memory because as the months dragged on and Sonic continued to decline in health he lost a little bit more of his hope. “Let’s get you inside.”

He has to carry the other the rest of the way, setting him gently down on the couch where Blue promptly closes his eyes and falls asleep. IIt’s something he’s been doing a lot lately, sleeping the days away, too weak to do anything else. Life is decidedly unfair in Shadow’s opinion but he’ll keep fighting it for as long as he can.

~~~~~~~~~ 

They sit in the doctor’s office, faces drawn and worried. Sonic can feel his heart rate picking up ever so slightly, a frightened bird fluttering about in its cage. They had all rushed to the hospital about an hour ago when it became apparent that Sonic’s neck was beginning to swell up at an alarming rate. They had frightened the hospital staff half to death with the way they all had burst into the lobby, shouting for a doctor while Sonic hung back meekly. The blue blur had thought for sure Knuckles would punch a male nurse when he insisted they take a seat and wait to be called. If it hadn’t been for Rouge and Amy the echidna probably would have. Now they sat waiting for the doctor’s prognosis, all of them swimming with dread and anxiety. 

“Swollen lymph nodes.” The doctor finally speaks ups after running his hands along Sonic’s neck a few times. “It’s another symptom of the cancer. I’m afraid you’ll be seeing a lot more of these symptoms in the next few months.”

“Why isn’t the Chemo working then!” Knuckles raged but it didn’t faze the doctor. The older man had dealt with many angry family members in his time after all. He knew hpw emotions could make people say and act in ways they normally wouldn’t. This was a difficult time for all of them, not just his patient and in some ways, it was always harder for the family members to come to terms with the cancer than the suffer.

“I’m sorry, but it was a long shot to begin with. At best the Chemo is just slowing it down. If we had caught it sooner then we probably would have been able to do more but at this stage, there isn't much else we can do.” He spoke softly, watching all their faces crumple into shocked sadness. His eyes turned to Sonic who just looked sadly resigned. In that moment the doctor knew the hedgehog had known he wasn’t going to get better for a while now and had already come to accept it. The knowledge didn’t bring him any peace of mind. If anything, it hurt him more than anything. “For what its worth…I truly am sorry.”

And the young hero smiles softly to that, a fragile spring flower slowly succumbing to the bitter cold of winter. His bright vibrant colours draining away as the life was stolen away by the cold unforgiving hands.

~~~~~~~~~ 

Tails hated feeling helpless. He’d been helpless when he’d been teased and outcasted by his old village for his extra appendages. He’d been helpless when Eggman first started the fight, had been helpless when Sonic shoved him into a space elevator to face the madman back on planet wisp, had been helpless when the Time Eater appeared and sucked them all into the void. Now he was helpless as he was forced to watch his beloved brother waste away right before his eyes. The young fox kit had to leave the room when they first noticed Sonic’s quills starting to fall out from the Chemo treatment that wasn’t even helping much, just slowing the cancer down.

And Tails was helpless to help, to do anything as his brother was stolen away from him. It wasn’t fair. Sonic was supposed to be getting married, to build a home and life with Shadow, to invite his little brother and friends over for late night movies and home cooked dinners. He was supposed to watch as Tails grew up, found a love of his own and got married. Sonic was supposed to be there for all of his achievements and Tails was supposed to be there for all of Sonic’s. 

A tortured sob tore its way from the fox’s throat, body crumpling to the floor as dispair took control. It ate away at his very soul, sunk its vicious teeth into his heart and dug its claws into his mind, settling in for the long run. Wild, fearful eyes flickered to the door where his brother sat with all their friends, pale and weak. The sight was more than Tails’ could take and he found himself retreating to the workshop, unable to stand looking at what had become of his hero, of his rock.  
Tails hated himself for it.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

The sound of loud body shaking coughing filled the small house, making Shadow wince every time the sound rented through the air. They had been warned that Chemo Therapy would lower Sonic’s immune system, making him more sceptical to illnesses but they still hadn’t been prepared for just how quickly the cold would take control of the Blue hedgehog’s body. It was a shock for Sonic who’s body was normally so resilient against such things to be bedridden with a fever and coughing like he’d just been pulled from a raging river. It also didn’t help that he was now as thin as a twig from lack of eating, the famous appetite he once had now gone. 

Shadow sighed tiredly as he walked into the bedroom where his partner lay, pale and shaking. The quills that normally adorned his spines were almost all gone making him look smaller than normal, more helpless and fragile. Those once vibrant green eyes were now dull and weak even though they sat on a smiling face. It was the one thing that hadn’t changed throughout all these months. No matter how much pain he was in or how weak he was feeling Sonic continued to smile and be positive. His talk with Blaze had reinvigorated him to enjoy every second he had left no matter what. 

“Hey,” Shadow called out softly, sitting gently beside the stricken hedgehog. The younger smiled shakily up at him, body trembling from the fever. “I brought you some soup.”

As expected, Sonic scrunched up his nose at the thought of food, his stomach flipping about unhappily. “I’m not really hungry Shads.”

“I know.” Ebony sighed, “But you have to eat Sonic. Even if its just a few mouth fulls.”

It was a struggle to even get those down the other's throat. After only five hesitant spoonfuls Sonic pushed the bowl away looking decidedly green around the gills. It tugs painfully at something inside Shadow’s chest, something that he is quick to push aside and ignore because its just a bump in the road, just a little set back before Sonic starts to get better. Instead, he focuses on his partner, a small smile playing on tan lips as he pulls something from behind his back.

“Maybe this will make you feel better.” 

Sonic’s eyes widen in surprise before a fond smile overcomes his features, eyes misting over with emotions. With delicate fingers, he plucks the golden flower from Shadow’s hand, lifting the little buttercup to his nose to breath in its sweet scent. It’s a familiar gesture for both of them though usually reversed. Normally Sonic is the one to bring the flower to Shadow but it's not an unwelcome change.

For a moment time is still. There is no cancer, there is no deadline, and there is no fear of what tomorrow will bring. There is just the peace and tranquillity of love and happiness. For the both of them, they can pretend for a few precious seconds that everything is fine and that life is wonderful and grand. If they could they would sit there in the silence forever, never returning to the waking world where pain and suffering lies. For but a moment the two storms that had once clashed so violently against one another are settled, a beam of sunlight breaking through between them to light the way to a brighter future. But then there is a shudder, a distant rumble of thunder that shatters the peace and sends the sunlight rushing back up into the sky, away from the pseudo-peace. Sonic winced as loud ugly coughs spring to life inside his chest, fingers trembling and dropping the flower to the floor.

Shadow is there in an instant, hands rubbing soothing circles into the blue blurs back. He sits there and tends to the other as best he can while the illness and cancer both work together to steal the strength away, all while a golden flower sits slowly wilting away underneath their bed where it had fallen, forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Where are we going?” Sonic asked softly, bemused as Shadow led him through the trees. Its vaguely familiar but he just can’t place it.

“Wait and see,” Shadow said just as softly, glancing back to smile gently at the other who gave a weak laugh. They walk on for a few more minutes until suddenly the trees begin to thin out, opening up onto a field that is littered with little golden flowers swaying in the breeze. Sonic feels his heart stutter inside his chest as he gazes at their field that they haven’t been too in months. It's just as beautiful as he remembers, the sweet scent of the buttercups filling his nose.

“Surprise,” Shadow muttered, moving in to plant a lingering kiss on Sonic’s cheek. The younger male closed his eyes, leaning into the gesture. “I know how stir-crazy you were getting just sitting inside the house so I thought a little excursion was in order.”

Sonic feels like weeping with the amount of love he feels in that moment for his partner. Throughout all their ups and downs Shadow has been there, fighting to keep a smile on his face and to make sure he feels loved. Sonic wonders what he did to deserve such a person in his life. “Thank you.”

Shadow beams, something he only does around Sonic which leaves Blue feeling extra special. Ebony rushed ahead towards the centre of the field where a small hill rises up, the top of it being their spot where they lie and just enjoy the serenity around them. Shadow practically flies up the hill he’s so excited. Sonic ambles along behind him, chest rattling with each strained breath inward. His legs feel like lead, head fuzzy and mind distant. He forces himself on, determined to make it to Shadow, to enjoy this surprise the other has given him. He makes it halfway up the hill before his legs give out sending him crashing to the ground where he struggles to breathe.

“Sonic!”

It’s the last thing he hears before the blackness takes over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They all sit around the hospital bed, hearts heavy and faces wet with tears. Sonic sleeps on, an oxygen mask fixed firmly over his muzzle and an IV attached to his left arm. Knuckles thinks that the hedgehog looks impossibly small among the white sheets, quills having all fallen out completely about a week ago. It is jarring to see his once strong friend barely clinging to life. The doctor said that Sonic would most likely pass on any day now, his body too weak o carry on any longer. It filled Knuckles with a sense of anger at the world that had already taken so much from him, had already taken his first family from him. Why did it have to take one of his new family members away too?

Tails and Cream sat on the bed either side of the blue blur, tears flowing freely from their eyes. For Cream, most thought her too young to understand what was happening, but she understood more than they knew. She knew that all living things had their time, all things eventually withered away, passing onto the next world. She’d been around enough flowers to known this and had been told of how her Father had passed onto the next life since she was small. She understood that Sonic’s time had come, understood that it had come sooner than it should have, and she understood that the world was seldom fair.

Tails clung to his brother’s hand, clung to the memory of their last conversation where the blue blur told the young fox how proud he was of him, how he was sorry he wouldn’t get to see him grow up, how he would continue to watch over him with pride from wherever he was going next. Tails clung to these moments while silently begging Chaos to let him have more time, just a little more time.

They all eventually leave the room, either to go to the waiting room downstairs to sleep or back to their own homes. Shadow stays, sitting in the hard chair and holding onto his partner's hand like his own life depends on it. From the moment they had been told of Sonic’s diagnosis Shadow had convinced himself that they would beat it, that no matter what Sonic would pull through. He hadn’t allowed himself to think of the what-ifs, hadn’t even considered the possibility that just maybe this was something they couldn’t beat. The knowledge that now, with their time nearly up, that Shadow would again be unable to save the one person he cared about more than life itself, ebony finally broke.

The tears came hard and fast, sobs shaking him down to his very core. With the hand that wasn’t holding tightly onto Sonic’s own Shadow covered his eyes, trying to control himself and stop but being unable to do so. It hurt more than anything, more than Maria’s death. Losing her had been short and fast, a shock. Losing Sonic was slow and painful, agonizing as he was forced to watch him suffer. It was soul crushing.

“Don’t cry.” The voice was soft and weak, a fragile flower desperately pushing through the snow to reach the sun. Shadow gave a strangled gasp, looking down into those beautiful Emerald green eyes he’d come to love so much. Sonic smiled weakly up at him, breaths stuttered and jerky, face pale and gaunt, quills gone and limbs thin and shaking. “Don’t cry.”

Shadow gave an ugly wet laugh, head bowed in grief. “How can I not cry? I’m losing you and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“You’ll never lose me.” Sonic breathed, lifting a trembling hand to wipe away the tears. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be with you Shads. Even if you can’t see me, I’ll be there. A part of the earth you tread, the wind you feel in your quills.”

“But I don’t want to not be able to see you. I need you.” Shadow begged, leaning down to press his forehead against Sonic’s in a soft intimate gesture. 

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I don’t think we have a choice anymore.” Sonic felt his own tears forming as he leaned upward to press his lips against Shadow’s, knowing that it would be the last time he would get to do so. “I love you, more than anything.”

“I love you too,” Shadow whispered brokenly, holding the others face, nuzzling against Sonic as his heartbeat slowed, as those beautiful green eyes closed for the last time, as his final breath ghosted past his lips and the heart monitor began to scream. The nurses rushed in, Shadow as pushed outside, and while he stood silently, inside his own heart screamed.

The funeral is a quiet affair, friends and family only with the press kept at bay by GUN agents and police alike. Golden buttercups are placed on the coffin, Knuckles and an old friend Mighty say a few heartfelt words. No eyes are dry by the end of it, all hearts were broken. The young hero is laid to rest, his friends and family mourn, and then they move on as the world keeps turning. Shadow watches from a distance as Knuckles, Tails, Amy, Silver, Blaze, Rouge and the others slowly begin to smile and laugh again. He watches as they recover from their pain, as they learn to remember Sonic fondly without tears and heartache. He watches all of this unable to relate, unable to move on and let go of his pain. For him its just another blow, to know that the world is still turning without Sonic in it, that it can still keep functioning without him. The others try to help Shadow through this pain but quickly find it is a losing battle, that griefs hands have dug too deeply into the ebony males soul.

He sat on their bed (never his bed, always their bed) and sighed. The house was unbearably quiet now, lifeless and dull. Sonic brought life and colour to the world and now that he was gone it felt like Shadow was stuck in a bleak black and white film. He no longer felt like he was living, only existing. Ruby eyes drifted to the floor, frowning when they caught sight of a faded brown petal. When Shadow crouched down to see what it was he felt tears begin to flow anew when he spied the golden flower he’d given to Sonic, the last flower he’d ever given him. It was withered and brown, the stem turning an ugly black and when he gently picked it up a few petals crumbled to dust. It was a pitiful sight and yet it filled Shadow with a sense of fondness as if his lover was standing beside him, laughing at some obscure joke. With a gentle nudge, Shadow pushed some of his Chaos Energy into the flower, watching as it slowly gains back some colour. It wasn’t completely perfect, the edges of the petal still a little brown and crinkled, but it looked better than it had, like time had been reversed.

And suddenly, the world was so much clearer. Puzzle pieces that had been floating aimlessly for weeks were now fitting into place as for the first time since Sonic’s passing, Shadow was able to think clearly. He stared down at the flower in wonder, heart racing at what he was about to do. He all but leapt towards the living room where the cabinet sat holding the two Chaos Emeralds he and Sonic had taken responsibility for, the red and green one. As he approached the pulsed gently as if welcoming his approach and his desire. He could feel their power singing to him, soothing any lingering fears he may have in regards to his decision.

Shadow knew what he was about to do was dangerous. He could end up too far back, could not go back far enough, or he could end up collapsing time and space as he knew it. He was literally risking everything for one person, and yet he knew there was no other way, no other path for him to take. He couldn’t keep living without his better half, couldn’t bear to go a second longer in a world where he wasn’t alive. With trembling hands, the ebony male took the green Chaos Emerald into his hands, ruby eyes gazing deeply into the smooth cut surface.

“A life without you is a life not worth living.” He whispered as his eyes fell closed, hand tightening over the powerful gem. Reaching deep inside himself, Shadow called on the power to bend time and space, pulled forth every scrap of energy he held in both himself and the Emerald and willed himself to go back.

He felt the Emerald flare with power, felt his insides jerk and twist, and then the Chaos Emerald shattered in his hand, rocketing him backwards faster than he could keep up with. Memories flashed before his eyes, of Sonic slowly dying, of planning their wedding, of the proposal, their first kiss, their first date, of blooming feelings, of begrudging friendships, of saving the world countless times and fighting against his blue counterpart countless times. The memories of teaming up with Rouge, with Eggman, of fighting the Bio Lizard and that very first encounter with his reflection where they butted heads imminently, and finally, of waking up in the GUN base after Eggman had released him. They all rushed past Shadow at breakneck speed until finally, his eyes shot open, a loud panicked gasp escaping him as he shot into a sitting position.

When had he lied down? Did he pass out during all those memories? Why did he see those memories at all? All these thoughts crashed about inside his head until a familiar voice saying a familiar sentence broke him from his thoughts.

“What? It's that hedgehog! Are you here to foil my plans again Sonic?” 

Shadow jumped in fright, ruby eyes flashing up to lock with the doctors. For a moment he just stared, trying to understand what was happening when heir surroundings finally registered to him. He was in the GUN facility on Prison Island. He was back four years in the past. He was back in a time where Sonic is alive, healthy and cancer-free. The last thought finally snapped Shadow into action. Without waiting for Eggman’s response he jumped from the pod and raced from the base, ignoring the shouting soldiers and staff members of the island. All he was focused on was following the bright Chaos signature that could only belong to a certain blue hedgehog, a signature that burned brighter than any sun Shadow had seen. He followed it into the city, quickly pinpointing where the blue blur was before rushing past him at high speed. If that didn’t get his attention then Shadow didn’t know what would. But luck was on his side for when he glanced behind him he could see a blue streak following in his wake. The sight was enough to nearly bring him to tears. It had been months since he’d last seen that familiar streak and even longer since he’d seen the other go so fast.

With a delighted laugh, Shadow raced on towards the forest, leading the other on a merry dance through the trees and towards a place where most of his happiest memories were made. Upon entering the field of golden flowers, Shadow came to a stop, relishing in the sweet scent the buttercups offered while also distracting himself from the figure now standing behind him. He was strangely afraid to turn around, to see the other up close. The last time he’d laid eyes on Sonic the blue one had been thin, pale, quilless and dying. Now, now he was healthy and full of energy, unaware of the dormant killer lying in wait inside him. 

“Hey, your pretty fast.” The voice sent a spike of pain, longing, love and happiness through Shadow’s very soul, filling him with the courage needed to finally turn around. The sight near enough took his breath away.

Sonic stood before him, a little shorter than he remembered but that was to be expected. The hero was only fifteen right now compared to the nineteen-year-old Shadow had left behind. His quills were whole and deadly looking, bouncing in the soft breeze while his eyes shined with joy and life. Everything about him just screamed good health and youth.

“Hi, my names Sonic.” The younger male beamed, holding a hand out to shake. Shadow stared for a moment longer, drinking in the image before him and committing every detail to memory before smiling back, hand extending to present a small golden flower that was a little brown around the edges.

“Shadow, its good to see you.” He said, watching as Sonic stared at the flower in confusion before a soft red blush spread across his face, fingers delicately plucking the flower from his hands, eyes peeking up at him as he offered the elder male a shy smile.

“Thank you,” Sonic whispered. Shadow beamed, feeling lighter than he had in months because now he had his better half back, had the chance to fall in love all over again and do things right this time around. And he would ensure that this time around, he and Sonic would have all the time in the world together.


End file.
